How to Survive in a Walled Dystopia
by Kino Ametsuchi
Summary: Inspired by Skippy's list and a fanfiction called 1000 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts by SilkenRoseDreams this story is about mostly general things that will ensure the unfortunate person who winds up stuck there lives longer. Most things are my own but feel free to message me to add on to them (with shout-out) and use some of the as long as you let me know.
1. 1 to 100

1\. I will not insinuate that Titans are more human because they eat humans. Levi's death glare was not worth the hassle.

2\. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during one of Hange's Titan rants. Doubly so when I actually have a new theory.

3\. "I've heard every possible joke about Eren Jaegar's name" is not a challenge.

4\. Doing graffiti of the 'Just do it!' slogan on Wall Maria is not decent. Even if no one suspect you. Note: Certain Titans 'Did it's a few days after it was put up.

5\. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

6\. - I will remind everyone who has a mental break which ends in laughter to remember this as well. Like Annie.

7\. I will not break deals and covenants with people. Even if they are annoying little twerps.

8\. I will stop referring to scouts dying by trees as "getting wood"

9\. I will not insist to Sasha that eating grass is good for human consumption

10\. If a fellow cadet falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the words, 'titan screwer' on their forehead.

11\. - or anywhere else.

12\. Starting a betting pool on the fate of the scouts going on the next expedition is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.

13\. Despite Petra's hair color, she does have a soul. I will not suggest otherwise

14\. - Same for Isabel

15\. I will not mix up the colors and the whites. Again. Levi looked like he was going to have a heart attack at seeing the pink underwear.

16\. I will not reenact Slap on Titans parody in the training corps

17\. Or anywhere else for that matter.

18\. I will not steal food from Sasha. If I am hungry I will kindly ask.

19\. I will not refer to Sasha as the ancestress of the Akimichi clan. Even if it makes sense in my mind.

20\. I will not write all my mission reports in red ink claiming it is the blood, sweat and tears of all those who came before me. It only was funny the first time.

21\. I will not ask male Titan Shifters if it is their time of the month when they transform.

22\. I will not provide Armin with an old and creepy looking book and claim it is the Necronomicon. Chances are it will end up being it just to screw with me.

23\. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

24\. - Given the track record of my kind, I will make sure that I never reach that point.

25\. I am not allowed to refer to myself as Queen of All I Survey. Even if Krista finds me funny.

26\. I am not allowed to call Marco "My Lord and savior". He does not answer to God, Allah, or any other religious title.

27\. I am not allowed to steal Levi's personal items, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it. Again.

28\. I am not allowed to have a Titan for a pet. Shifters are iffy.

29\. I am not allowed to reference the gear and harness as bondage tools

30\. Levi and Erwin do not want chains and restraining collars as a present.

31\. I will stop spreading rumors of Levi x Erwin shipping.

32\. Or rumors of Levi x Eren.

33\. I will stop rumors of Levi liking anyone.

34\. I am not allowed to transform into an animal humanoid during dinner and shout "Why are you eating my cousin," Just because I think its funny.

35\. Any resemblance between the fate of Grisha and Zeus's cannibal Titan father is coincidental. I will not suggest otherwise

36\. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable or adaptable ability, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve

37\. I will not mock or encourage others to mock disarmed (literally) people with exaggerated limb movements.

38\. I am not allowed to hypnotize my fellow cadets in training and force them to march/dance through Trost to the song of "Bad Romance"

39\. Asking Eren if "He wants to burn the city with me?" while singing "City" will get me in with trouble Levi.

40\. Especially if he one day snaps and take me up on that joking offer. Bonus if it is both people.

41\. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my plans. For example, if my partner in crime screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at them, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling of theirs.

42\. It is a bad idea to tell Levi he takes himself too seriously.

43\. It is a bad idea to tell Mikasa she takes herself too seriously.

44\. I am not to send copies of the Evil Overlord List, including all the additional cell blocks from TvTropes to suspected Titan Shifters. Or Levi.

45\. There is a fine line between doing things for the laughs and being too stupid to live. I will learn this difference.

46\. I will not say "Oh my god! You killed Kenny! You bastard," to Levi right after his uncle Kenny dies.

47\. - even though the irony and dark humor is delicious.

48\. I will not ask Titans if humans taste like chicken.

49\. I will spare someone who saved my life or helped me in some way sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

50\. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.

51\. I will not take out a life insurance policy or this world's equivalent on anyone I know will die. One the good side I mean. Putting up 13 year limits on enemy Titan Shifters is borderline fine.

52\. I will not place a "kick me" sign on the back of Keith Shadis.

53\. Mike does not have a sister named Magenta. Nor does he know what the time warp is.

54\. I will not teach (force) the cadets and other scouts to reinact the awesomeness that is Rocky Horror.

55\. I will not force Levi to be Dr. Frank N. Furter (even though he would be great), Eren as Rocky and so on.

56.I will refrain from wearing black leather gloves at all times and saying "Recon is mother, Recon is father".

57\. The Titan Shifters do not control mechas made from flesh and I will not say it is.

58\. - Especially within earshot Hange.

59\. Training Corps does not have a student council. Even if it did, they would not wear the rose seal. Therefore I will cease going after the students and staff with a sword.

60\. - nor will I call Annie, Mikasa, or Sasha Anthy.

61\. I will not call Levi "Mr. Clean," anywhere since it will get back to him. Somehow

62\. Mike is (probably) not the ancester of the Inuzuka clan. While it would make sense, too many things could go wrong.

63\. It is wrong to call any superior a 'bitch' for more than one reason.

64\. Levi's actual first name in not Yoda.

65\. I will not refer to horses as glue.

66\. - Or emergency rations.

67\. If I ever become a Shifter or monster and it becomes known, I will not lick my lips at fresh cadets or civilians and say, "Fresh meat."

68\. - it's only funny the first time. Solitary confinement for each new slip after that.

69\. I am not allowed access to Levi's personal funds.

70\. -Nor am I allowed to order/buy items in his name

71\. -I am not allowed to use any superiors money unless given explicit instructions

72\. I will not replace Hannes's alcohol with same colored tea.

73\. -I will not replace Levi's tea with same hued alcohol.

74\. -It was not an honest mistake.

74\. I will not scream "police brutality" and similar things the moment a military police officer approaches me.

76\. - nor can I call out "Fuck the police". Knowing them they would expect that instead of me unleasing holy hell on them.

77\. I will provide funding and research to develop tactical and strategic weapons covering a full range of needs according to the materials at hand so my choices are not limited to "hand to hand combat with swords" and "warp reality until my plan works".

78\. I will remember that any vulnerabilities I have are to be revealed strictly on a need-to-know basis. I will also remember that no one needs to know.

79\. I will not make alliances with those more powerful than myself. Such a person would only double-cross me in my moment of glory. I will make alliances with those less powerful than myself. I will then double-cross them in their moment of glory

80\. It is generally accepted that Titans and Humans cannot interbreed (no proper sexual organs) and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be.

81\. I will not give Hange the idea of making claymores from Titan flesh/spine and infusing them with humans and theories on how it would work.

82\. -Especially if I don't tell her that all claymores have a shelf life of a few years before they become monsters.

83\. Courage does not come in bottles.

84\. -i will not tell Eren and Armin otherwise

85\. I am not allowed to eat during lessons

86\. -Even if I brought enough for everyone.

87\. -Emptying a bag full of snacks at Keith's feet to prove this last is unacceptable behavior.

88\. I will not admit to being a criminal mastermind. Even if I am.

89\. No matter what Hange may tell me to the contrary, I am not authorized to form press gangs.

90\. Asking Oluo "what his drug of choice is and where I can get some?" is unacceptable.

91\. -Even though he always looks stoned.

92\. Crucifixes do not ward off Titans, and I should not test that.

93\. -holy water and sacred books are equally as unhelpful.

94\. I may not call Levi a yangire.

95\. The proper way to report to Levi or Erwin is "You wanted to see me, Sir?" Not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence."

96\. May not insinuate that beautiful and saintly looking woman are missing heirs to royalty, even if it's true.

97\. I am not possessed by the ghost of Princess Ymir

98\. -nor am I allowed to say that the current Ymir is her reincarnation, even if it might be true.

99\. I will never, under any circumstances, reveal information to any of my enemies that could be used against me

100\. I will always try to pretend that I believe in heroics and goodness. That way I can disguise myself as a well intentioned extremist trying to fight the corrupt society to make my own.


	2. 101 to 200

101\. I am not allowed to brew alcoholic beverages in or near the survey corps headquarters.

102\. -nor am I allowed to give and/or sell ouzo, saki and any other beverage I might brew to Dot Pixis

103\. Levi does not enjoy being called "Sexy".

104\. -Neither does he respond favorably to "Lev", "Vivi" or "Crazy/Psycho Midget".

105\. Fresh cadets are not to be fed to Titans.

106\. Hange does not have relationships with Titans, and I should stop implying as such.

107\. I am not authorized to sell Jean's artwork

108\. -Giving the same drawings away free of charge is also frowned upon.

109\. Annie is not a snow woman and I will stop implying as such.

110\. -also using her to hold things I want cold to prove or disprove that theory is frowned upon.

111\. I am forbidden from using illusions and hypnosis to force normal civilians to dance for my amusement

112\. I will not torture or kill the anyone's friends in front of my current target. This increases the chance that his hidden powers will activate and kill me. I will take special care not to provoke the foe after I have won the fight.

113\. I will stop referring to fresh cadets in the survey corps as "cannon fodder." Especially if I join them.

114\. I will not declare myself the Jesus and/or Deity of this world.

115\. -Even if it might be true.

116\. My commander's name is currently Erwin, not "Mr. Eyebrows" or "Might Guy."

117\. Bertolt is not my valet.

118\. When given orders from my direct superior, I will not ask "Why?"

119\. Cadets should not be encouraged to believe that Titans can be redeemed through the power of love and friendship.

120\. I am not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

121\. I am not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for DNA samples.

122\. Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with my uniform.

123\. There is no "open-mike night" at Survey Corps

124\. I am not allowed to purchase anyone's soul when on the job. Free time or down time it is allowed.

125\. There is no bring a Titan to work day.

126\. And I should stop insisting there is.

127\. I will know that the best defense is the status quo, so I will use it against my enemies and do everything in my power to maintain it.

128\. I must not spread rumors that Zeke is, was, or ever will be known in certain circles as "Furry Titan."

129\. My allies will be taught to get along with each other to the point that they can use the power of friendship against a more heroic group of true companions.

130\. I will not give Reiner porn magazines.

131\. When fighting Titan Shifters in the regular breaching of the Walls, I will not lift my sword skyward and shout, "There can be only ONE!"

132\. -nor will I start singing, "To the windows, Through the Walls" when they go through said Walls

133\. I will not refer to Eren as "the Energizer Titan that runs on rage".

134\. -Even if it is a legitimate nickname and summary of his personality.

135\. I must not start a "Vetinari for King/Ruler/Emperor/Mayor of the entire Walled City" campaign.

136\. God may not contradict any of my orders.

137\. -Saying Kouzai and/or Jashin suggests a better alternative is not allowed either.

138\. I will not go to any Church of the Walls building and argue with the current highest position there that Titans and humanity in general are a direct contradiction of the concept of intelligent design.

139\. I will remind myself that my goal is to take over (I mean save) the world, NOT to destroy it. I will watch out for any asshole who wishes to cause the apocalypse. Especially if they are similar to me in power.

140\. I am not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters for the survey corps.

141\. I should not refer to survey corps commanders and rank-and-fire soldiers as "canaries in the coal mine".

142\. I will not say the phrase "Living Emotional Crutch" to Levi's Living Emotional Crutches.

143\. I will not convince Armin that books of fairy tales and myths are a part of the lost history of the world.

144\. There is not now, nor has there ever been, ten different Titan Shifters, and I am not a member of that elusive shifter lineage, nor am I its origin point.

145\. Animals and pets are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of the war with Titans".

146\. - I will not refer to "Titans" as pets.

147\. I will not refer to Zeke as a monkey's uncle.

148\. I am not allowed to say "Can't Make It To Church. Just Too Many Human Sacrifices To Perform. Sorry." when I am invited to attend a meeting at the Church of the Walls.

149\. Saying "I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns," is not acceptable or available when you live where you work.

150\. I will constantly have several useful, but superfluous plans in motion, with much less security than my actual plans. If they succeed I shall turn a profit, if not then the troublemaker has just wasted valuable time stopping them.

151\. - I shall also remember to give these plans just enough security that the bastard interfering never says "This is too easy."

152\. For whatever hellish reason I decide to apply for a post in the Military Police Brigade after training corps graduation, I should not cite "Kenny Ackeman" as my greatest influence.

153\. Putting down "Levi Ackerman" is probably not best either.

154\. -Nor is putting down "Eren Jaeger"

155\. Must not refer to Levi as "Mom" if I want to live.

156\. -Nor may I refer to him "Shadow King," "the man pulling the strings," "the man behind the curtain" or "Man behind the Man". Even if it turns out he is.

157\. Must not refer to Commander Erwin as "Dad".

158\. -Nor may I refer to him as Tamaki, Might Guy, or ask him to teach me how to properly use the Eight Gates.

159\. Erwin's (and later Hange) proper title is "Commander", not "My Liege".

160\. The Military Police Brigade headquarters is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy". Even though it is.

161\. If I am ever short on cash but have a handy new invention, I will just sell it on the black market and auction house for tons of cash and collect it anonymously.

162\. I will build more hospitals and advance medicine. The doctors and medics will treat frontline soldiers first, and civilians second. This means I'll lose less soldiers, civilians will have more incentive to join the survey and Garrison, and my allies will be far more loyal for seeing such a positive thing done for others. It isn't bad in nature, but it allows me to further my cause(s) more easily.

163\. My motives will always appear to be sympathetic. The reason is simple; if the population thinks that I'm just misguided, they'll try to talk me out of whatever I'm doing or seek a mutually beneficial alliance, instead of constantly trying to kill me.

164\. I must never underestimate anyone. I will always assume they're a threat, even if they're stupid/silly/naive/dead. And I will expect my underlings to assume the same.

165\. If I make a bargain with anyone, I will do my best to actually hold up my end; lest it come back to bite me in the ass later. They only time I will backstab anyone is if I can kill everyone involved who could conceivably get back at me.

166\. I will not tell anyone I don't have to that I prophesied their death.

167\. I will not tell Eren that I had a vision of him killing everyone.

168\. I will not refer to Hange as the resident Titan Fucker, no matter how funny thing the mental image is.

169\. -Nor will I ask her if she aspires to be one.

170\. All cadets (or at least as many as is practical) will be required to know basic first aid.

171\. Cadets will be trained to gang up on enemies and attack relentlessly, and not sit around waiting their turn to fight. Or more likely die.

172\. If the opponent or titan falls over, the soldiers will shank the SOB. They would get them if they fell down, so why be so fucking nice?

173\. If anyone ever asks why I don't simply kill the enemy there and then, and I don't have reasonable answer, they may be right and shall be rewarded. But only after I simply eliminate the foe, should it be possible to do that very soon.

174\. Insisting that the survey corps acquire a resident psychologist and psychiatrist is a pointless request as 'they' claim that everyone is mentally sound enough for their jobs.

175\. -Nor am I allowed to diagnosis my fellow soldiers without their permission.

176\. Taking red paint, mixing it with strawberry jam to make a blood and guts aesthetic and then writing creepy messages on the walls is not allowed.

177\. If asked in class what happens when a Titan captures a human, yelling "The human becomes a SNACK!" may be correct but is not the manner in which one should answer.

178\. When assembling or suggesting teams, I will mentally go through everyone's backstories to check for possible sources of conflict. If one of the potential members happens to blame another for the tragedy that ruined his life, they do not work together.

179\. I am not allowed to eat lollipops within Levi's sight ever again. It was worth it.

180\. Whenever I temporarily leave my organization or group, I will make sure to put someone competent, but not too ambitious in charge during my absence. I will make it clear that I'm coming home, and the organization/group is on loan, not a gift. And if he fucks it up, I'll fuck him up.

181\. I will remember that long-range artillery are a good part of any army and stock up even if I have to design them myself. That way, I have the option to kill titans in a massive area bombardment, rather than only sending infantry that will probably get slaughtered.

182\. I may not have a private army.

183\. -Not even if it technically belongs to someone else.

184\. I should not encourage the manufacturers and inventors of the Wall city to unionize.

185\. I must stop referring to Marco as a Mary Sue who was too good for this sinful world.

186\. I will make sure to keep my priorities in order: preserving my life and safety (sanity is optional), maintaining the cover of a good little soldier by protecting others, conducting my plans, and saving the world.

187\. I call cadets and scouts 'red shirts' , but really, they should all be highly-trained badasses

188\. "Y'all check this-here shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental technique.

189\. Jean is not related to horses, so I will no longer attempt to force him to give me a piggy back ride.

190\. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires – therefore it is wrong to dance and celebrate around them.

191\. I am not allowed to do any of the following: get shot, die from blood loss, get eaten, set myself on fire, drown myself, get stabbed, or otherwise engage in habits that are borderline suicidal in nature.

192\. Ymir does not like being flirted with. Do not tempt fate.

193\. Kenny Ackerman knows he is an creepy and nutty individual, he does not need to be told... again.

194\. Stealing new cadets clothing and then tossing it into and around the Titan territories of Wall Maria is highly frowned at.

195\. The first thing that cadets wilo learn as part of their training will be that standing perfectly still and out in the open during a battle is not going to help their life expectancy. Cover exists for a reason!

196\. Stealing food from Sasha is cruel. Bribing her with food is a whole new level of depravity.

197\. Trying to out-argue Levi and Hange will lead to no good.

198\. Despite popular belief, Armin and Krista are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.

199\. I will have a suggestion box outside my room. This doesn't necessarily mean I'll read anything inside there, but it will raise morale.

200\. I will plan according to my budget. If I do not have the money to design and mass produce the kind of technology required for many of my desired precautions or if I don't have the good ranked soldiers required to supervise the bloody greenies and make sure they actually follow protocol at all times, I will try to find a less expensive option and fix what I can.


	3. 201 to 300

201\. I will not melt if water is poured over me.

202\. -Neither will Mikasa

203\. I will never try to make any deals with demons or unknown entities. As tempting as it is to have an magical being grant my greatest wishes, nothing can be worth the price of my soul or anything just as important.

204\. - Should I foolishly sign a contract with a magical being anyway, I will hire a ruthless lawyer to help me exploit any possible loopholes so I wouldn't have to pay my end of the bargain, and ensure that the bastard can't try any similar trickery.

205\. When selecting troops for solving internal and human 'problems', I will tell them that their stealth ops uniform is neon pink. Anyone who tells me how impractical that is will be promoted immediately

206\. If one of trusted friends and allies turn out to be a traitor to me personally, I will kill them, cut off their head, impale their head on a stake, and nail a sign on said stake that reads: "I do not tolerate double-crossing back-stabbers", for such people tend to be more trouble then they're worth.

207\. I will remember that the power of hope is not the exclusive virtue of the masses and good guys.

208\. I may not make posters and pamphlets depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command, both past and current.

209\. I cannot substitute Mass Effect style armor for my uniform.

210\. -Nor can I wear kimonos, or samurai armor during combat situations

211\. I should not create the Tome of Fate and Destiny just so I can use it for the pranking potential.

212\. -Or increasing Levi's height.

213\. Levi is not my "sugar daddy" and I will not claim he is.

214\. -That goes double when Eren is within earshot.

215\. Time Travel should not be messed around with despite what I think or want.

216\. I will not fake rabies.

217\. Self-preservation will always come before everything else, if I fail and everything starts to come down around me, I will not let pride get the better of me and go down with the ship or commit suicide, I'll drop what I'm doing and escape immediately

218\. I saw nothing unusual in the superior's lounge. I will keep on saying that until it becomes true.

219\. I will not fangirl Levi or Eren.

220\. -instead I will fangirl Jean, Mikasa, Annie, Sasha, Hange, Erwin etc.

221\. Not allowed to beat up certain people during training for "being too goddamned short".

222\. Never, ever, attempt to correct Levi, Eren and Jean about anything.

223\. Never, ever attempt to interrupt Hange when she goes on a Titan rant. She only gets louder.

225\. I will always assume that my plans to better this world can fail at any given point, whether it be anywhere from before it begins to moments before its completion, and plan accordingly. Also, I will keep Murphy's law in mind.

226\. I will not underestimate an enemy force just because we have outnumbered them. They may still have a chance of prevailing.

227\. I will give all possible military and financial aid to allied factions, so that my enemies will have trouble finding allies who oppose me

228\. Not allowed to produce prophecies about the end of the world more than once a year

229\. Will not offer to sell Hange new Titan types.

230\. -Especially not if I actually have them and/or can make them.

231\. Dot Pixie does not share his alcohol with others without good cause.

232\. -The fact it could allegedly save humanity is not a good enough reason.

233\. Will not try to recreate Titans during the training camp as an excuse to graduate early.

234\. Will not recreate any snack foods from my past, give away free samples and get people hooked on them. Again...And again.

235\. -Then overcharge them for each new purchase.

236\. If the thought of ANYTHING makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it. 30 seconds is automatically illegal.

237\. I am not allowed to paint the words Titan Boy onto Eren's forehead.

238\. I will not sell tickets to get into Wall Maria.

239\. Especially if it is only a one-way ticket.

240\. Singing 99 Bottles of detergent on the wall nonstop repeatedly will result in solitary confinement.

241\. -Especially if Levi is nearby.

242\. I am not allowed to encourage the survey corps to sing any of the following during cleaning duties: "Belle"; "Clean up song"; "I love you thing from Barney"; "Unchain Utopia"; anything from the Phantom of the Opera; etc. Note: See number 240 for punishment.

243\. I may not challenge superiors and officers to "Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn".

244\. Playgirl and Playboy are not relics from the outside world and I should not attempt to sell them to others claiming otherwise.

245\. Woad and other camouflage/body paints are not needed for expeditions.

246\. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born, even if I have access to a time travel power. Likewise, I should not admit to crimes that have yet to happen.

247\. -It does not make me an edgy bitch.

248\. I should not show up at the front door wearing part of another division's uniform, messily drunk.

249\. -Even if my superior was the one who did it.

250\. Teaching cadets to taunt Titans is not proper and I should stop immediately.

251\. Despite any similarities they have, I will not keep an enemy alive because they resemble a lost family member or friend. As much as it would break my heart, it would be far better to just kill them immediately.

252\. Connie is not Buddha so I should not rub his head and flat belly.

253\. I will not refer to Mikasa or Annie as "emo"

254\. - Nor will I refer to Armin as "lone sane man"

255\. - Eren is not "Jaeger bombastic"

256\. I will not hand red shirts to the meat shields in the survey corps and claim that they're the standard uniform for their new position.

257\. I will not be a sociopath or a social isolate. Being able to model my enemies' thoughts and feelings in my own mind is useful. Thus, in my free time and off duty hours I will maintain a healthy, reasonable social life with tons of friends and many hobbies. Besides, it's always important to leave a good impression in the community

258\. I will not organize a private army to hit the humans when they are weakest so I can become the ruler of the city in a glorious rebirth of hope. The revolution is not now.

259\. I will never torture anyone just to demonstrate how evil I am. This is a Bitch Alert waiting to happen. Given my kind's trend to do that kind of stupid shit, I have seen what happens enough to know not to even attempt it.

260\. I will not test my science and research experiments by spiking Levi's tea with them.

261\. - Especially not all of them at once.

262\. I will not try to hock off my old items as "priceless artifacts from the outside world."

263\. I will believe in the spirit of emulation. If someone who works for and with me does well, they will be rewarded. This boosts morale and encourages them to work harder. Punishment should usually be death or humiliation, unless it would severely harm PR to do so. Then it should merely be a reduction of salary or deprivation of privileges.

264\. I will not trust any single point off any of the preceding lists alone to render me safe in a world where 'anyone can die' is God.

265\. I will not lick people. Especially if it makes them blush.

266\. -Same with not biting people.

267\. Much to my disgust, I will acknowledge it's a valuable skill to Know When to Fold 'Em.

268\. I will not call Reiner the Iron Giant.

269\. Kenny Ackerman is not related to or working for Marley in any way, and I am to stop insinuating that he is.

270\. I will stop sending Levi forged love notes that appear to be from Hange, Eren or Erwin.

271\. I will stop asking Eren exactly what goes on between him and Hange when she brings him to her research areas.

272\. I will remember that Everyone Has Loved Ones and plan accordingly. I will not give my fellow soldiers any reason to resent me and will in fact encourage Shipping so that if the enemy (titans, humans, whatever) kills one or more of them, there is always someone with a very good reason to want the entity dead. I will engage in Friendships with both my foes and allies. Being able to call upon the Power of Love and the Power of Friendship is nothing to sneeze at.

273\. Once the enemy starts killing off large numbers of my allies, I will periodically hold mass memorial services for them with open caskets and grieving relatives for all the world to see. I will deliver an eulogy and shed a Single Tear for my slain comrades. I will also provide bursaries for the education of surviving dependants, medals to honor the fallen and gratituities to feed their surviving parents and widows. If there are any orphans (especially if both parents worked for me), I will raise them in an Orphanage of Love and see if I can convince some of them to become Tyke Bombs. I will use these in my elite guard and the Hero can explain to them why Daddy and Mommy had to die just for doing their jobs. The irony and emotional tramua is delicious.

274\. I will imprison any idiotic Fanboys and Fangirls because they often cause problems.

275\. I will stop setting things on fire when bored. Or annoyed. Or happy. Screw it, I will try to get my pyromania under control.

276\. When scouting ahead for Titans, I am not allowed to run/ride back to the others screaming, "The Titans are coming! The Titans are coming!"

277\. -Especially when there are no Titans that way.

278\. I am not to sing 'We're off to see the Heichou, the wonderful Heichou of Humanity!' when sent to Levi's office'.

279\. - I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the other cadets acting as a backup group.

280\. -Especially not with obnoxious musical instruments.

281\. I am not able to see the Grim Reaper (as of right now), nor am I to claim that he is standing by Levi, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Levi's Living Emotional Crutches.

282\. The research and manufacture of mind-altering substances will not gain me praise for my ingenuity and foresight.

283\. I will not attempt to crossbreed horses and avians of any type just because I want a Pegasus for my mount.

284\. I am not to hold my hand in the air before shifting or doing anything and shout 'I... GOT... THE... POWER!'

285\. I will ALWAYS have no less than 3 Outside Context Problems to get the call on speed dial whenever necessary. ((Which is easily accommodated))

286\. Titans do not need or want a hug in general.

287\. - Levi does not want shows of physical affection aimed at him.

288\. If I ever decide that retreat is a good option, I will attempt to salvage as many high ranking officials and appropriate squadrons with me. This ensures that I will not look like a jerkass to my comrades and that I might legitimately care about their well being. Boosts morale, even while we're all running away.

289\. I will not try to convert everyone I come across to the Way of Jashin

290\. -Or Discordianism

291\. -Or Ietsism.

292\. -This does not mean that my religious rights are being violated.

293\. I must not valiantly push annoying superiors near Titans to save the squad.

294\. I am not allowed to lead a "Coup" during missions, training lessons, or just because I become bored.

295\. I will not commit heinous crimes and then act like I was under the effects of a very impressive illusion or hypnosis.

296\. I Must not start any Situation Report or Mission Summary with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about…."

297\. -Especially if Levi is the one would reads it.

298\. The punishment for failure shall be demotion or transfer, not execution or humiliation. As said before, people make mistakes, and killing does not inspire loyalty or encourage new recruits to join. Possibly even a warning not to let it happen again. I will be judicious with that one, but it does inspire loyalty.

299\. I will be Genre Blind and Genre Savvy at the same time to throw off everyone.

300\. There is no such thing as a fair fight. If I come across my nemesis while he is disarmed or wounded, then that is his problem, not mine.


	4. 301 to 400

301\. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Titan Shifters.

302\. The newer soldiers are not there to do my chores for me.

303\. - Neither are my friends.

304\. Sir Terry Pratchett is a wise man. I will study everything I can about Lord Vetinari. It may be better to be loved, or feared, but it is better to be permanent than either. And this world desperately needs that kind of aid.

305\. I will, however, note that not everyone goes into fiction that well and be ready to deal with Genre Blind idiots. Which is everyone.

306\. I will fulfill my end of all contracts, in full, as soon as promised. Even though it might be fun to alter deals halfway through, that's just begging the other party to perform a Heel–Face Turn. And I will not quibble about Exact Words either, unless they're playing the wise guy.

307\. - I will never promise to uphold my end of the deal before the other party upholds theirs. Just because I want repeat customers doesn't mean I can trust everyone else. (I will ensure this at the promise-making point of the deal.)

308\. Kenny did not kill any of my relatives and does not deserve to die.

309\. I will have a member of the inner circle whose sole job will be to criticize my plans and point out their flaws. I will listen to him.

310\. I will not follow complex instructions in reverse order 'to see what happens'.

311\. I will not make a Deal with the Devil. Ever. If I ever am in the position where Satan himself approaches me with an offer I think sounds good, then I will carefully review the chain of events which led me to that situation.

312\. -If I am the Devil or otherwise a mystical creature who likes screwing people over with deals, I'll let someone insignificant "win" once in a blue moon. Maybe I'll pretend to lose, or maybe it'll just be a straight-up "honest" exchange. Then I'll make certain that word of this incident gets out. Why? Because it works for casinos and lotteries. Far more souls will be willing to risk it than if every deal I ever make goes sour.

313\. I will not maintain Medieval Stasis when/if I get status or power; I will encourage the march forward with technology. I will research Psychic Powers, Functional Magic, and Ki Attacks to surprise any opponents with. Let's see them cope with an unexpected Genre Shift from Miltiary War and Horror to Dungeon Punk

314\. I will not wield any gun or sword in any combination as my primary weapon. My primary weapon will always be magic and explosives. The gun/sword is a backup.

315\. I shall remember that it is illegal to stab people just because I find them annoying. No more repeats.

316\. I am not allowed to host sewing, knitting or blacksmithing events ever again.

317\. I am not allowed to add pictures of anyone I don't like to War Criminal posters. Again.

318\. "All's fair in love and war" is not an official motto of the Survey Corps.

319\. -Nor is "To error is human, to forgive is not company policy"

320\. I will not attempt to make any crackpot's conspiracy theories come true. Again

321\. Mikasa's problem is not that "she needs to get laid".

322\. Krista is not a small animal and I will not carry her around like one.

323\. I am not allowed to train adopted stray animals to attack my superiors

324\. -Nor am I allowed to name them any of the following: Cide, Kill, Killer, Maim, or Fluffy

325\. Even if I myself to do not believe in it, I will outwardly respect that the populace worship Titans and walls.

326\. If I can't replicate it, I can't fix it. If I can't fix it, I can't control it. If I can't control it, I will not use it.

327\. I will not have anyone work on a project involving something that had killed their families or traumatized in any way without their explicit consent.

328\. I will not be a Slave to PR; how I will act and appear before the public eye will be based solely on how such action would be the most beneficial to my plans at the time. Not only will this leave me open to myriad more options to achieve my goals than usual, it'll also confuse the hell out of my PR-shackled enemies and rivals, preventing them from predicting my next course of action and rallying a revolt against me among the (most likely equally confuddled) masses.

329\. If any of my allies proposes their own plan to destroy the enemy/conquer or save the planet/etc., they will be instructed to take their proposal to a crack R&D team; that team, in turn, will be instructed only to outright reject proposals that, after all reasonable fine-tuning to them has been exhausted, are simply too costly or unreliable compared to the possible advantage gained. I will of course have the final say on which proposals will be accepted or not, but creativity and refinement will be emphasized with all plans submitted. At the very least, the illusion given that I actually care about my allies' little pet projects will keep them from turning against me in an attempt to prove "it'll really work, honest".

330\. -If one of these schemes is good enough to implement, the person behind it will be right there by my side while it's carried out, and receive full credit for their idea. Not only will it encourage further innovation among the ranks, but it'll paint him as the target instead of me when someone comes to thwart the scheme and keep me from looking like a General Failure if the plan goes to hell in a hand-basket.

331\. The Survey Corps does not have nor require a weekly evening of playing cards and so on.

332\. I will encourage a strong sense of camaraderie amongst my allies and the communities. Won't my enemies be surprised when a posse ten thousand strong puts The Power of Love and Friendship on my side?

333\. I will, however, remember that although eternal love and devotion are nice, they are not the same as eternal loyalty.

334\. I will periodically send assassins to kill random conspiracy nuts in suspicious-looking ways. There is little danger that they will find out about my plans and no one would have believed them anyway, but the lead characters will be convinced that they were killed for what they knew and will get so wrapped up in trying to foil my diabolical plan to give all trees epilepsy that my real plans will go unchallenged. Plus it gives assassins something to do.

335\. -I will double-check the tinfoil hat theories before killing the tinfoil hatter that came up with them. If it's not something I want people to believe, has nothing to do with me, or seems like something I might want to implement in the near future, the crazy guy gets hired. It's important to think outside the box.

336\. Satisfying as it may be to humiliate my enemies, I will not demand that they kneel at my feet. It always goes downhill from there.

337\. If I have a ability that I don't have to worry about backlash and is mostly limitless, I'll freaking use it every time.

338\. I will be aware of my emotions and take care to keep them in perspective as no emotion is useless. Each of them is a highly conditioned evolutionary response that helped ensure my species' survival for countless years

339\. I will not go into other people's minds looking for graphic and embarrassing sex scenes.

340\. "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in exile, and I should not tell that to others.

341\. When someone is about to kill them, the majority of people will either beg for their lives, or break down completely. The minority will face their death with courage. Be careful of the minority.

342\. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Eren who died and made him boss.

343\. Should I ever, through my scheming, come up with fantastically profitable technology, screw it. I'll drop my vendettas and sell the technology for a profit. That should guarantee I'll live a life of comfort and ease. I'll even make regular donations to charity, and rein in my friends to keep them from doing anything evil. No one will go after me if I'm just another law-abiding citizen.

344\. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to me.

345\. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of those who control my job security and/or money.

346\. I am not allowed to play hide and seek when on missions. Anymore.

347\. I am not allowed to play tag with Titans anymore.

348\. I am not allowed to ask Levi if the size of his swords is 'compensating for something'. He doesn't appreciate the reference.

349\. If my enemy is a Mary Sue... I'm leaving that world. Dealing with that kind of character will be far more trouble than it's worth.

350\. If I have the ability to bring people back from the dead, I will milk it for all it's worth

351\. The 104th training corps are not "my bitches".

352\. Whenever the phrase "Is this crap flammable?" is heard, RUN. 9 for 10, the source of that phrase already has a match burning and is finding out. Half the time I am the source, as such I should get my pyromania under control.

353\. I will not start a rumor saying that Eren sings "I'm too sexy" after Titan shifting. Or for that matter doing any other activity.

354\. Voices in my head do not constitute lawful orders. Even if they do make more sense than the orders others give out.

355\. Screw the "never bring swords to a gunfight" rules. I will, of course, bring a gun, but I will also bring several knives and a strangling cord to any fight I have.

356\. Locals are not required to kneel before me.

357\. Humanity's soldiers do not "consume the flesh of their fallen enemies to gain their strength." That's what Titans are for after all.

358\. Hedonism is not an Government authorized religion. Therefore I'm not allowed to build a church, cult, or donation box for the Church of Hedonism. Nor can I be the chaplain of said church.

359\. I may not hold a vote to decide which noble family we can "boot out of the city".

360\. Pillaging is not an official mission stage.

361\. I am not to "walk on water" in front of gullible people.

362\. -Especially if I use skills to summon fog around my legs, use create fire or lightning to give me a 'heavenly glow' and pick the time to do this when everyone is fleeing Wall Maria.

363\. Request forms saying, "Respectfully requesting a stab to the neck." will always be denied.

364\. -Even though it brings a sadistic smile to Levi's face.

365\. I am not a Government Slave.

366\. -Even though mind control is real.

367\. I am not allowed to build anything without supervision

368\. I am not allowed to order expensive or rare things without supervision. Erwin caught on.

369\. I should not test how sharp my knife and swords are on living things that aren't Titans.

370\. I am not allowed to build a statue of myself using Village resources.

371\. I will kill the fangirls and fanboys. All of them.

372\. -Unless they fangirled and fanboyed me. Then I will milk it for all it's worth.

373\. When called upon in class, I shall not insist that the correct answer to everything is '42'.

374\. I will only convince a less advanced civilization that I am a god if I already meet their qualifications for one, there are no rivaling deities, their religion is not a strictly pacifistic one, and I am benefited in some way by worship. If I have advanced technology, I will share it with them as long as it is not capable of destroying me in any way.

375\. I am no longer allowed to invent medical conditions.

376\. I am not authorized to administer "mob justice."

377\. -Even for something sickening.

378\. I am not authorized to administer military discipline. That's Levi's job.

379\. I cannot lock Eren and Jean in a room together and take bets on which one will come out alive.

380\. "You'll be alright," is not a term to be used when someone needs medical assistance. Especially if I can provide it.

381\. The term "smoke 'em if you got 'em," is not a command for the Garrison to open fire.

382\. Apparently the right thing to say when new orders are given IS NOT: "you're not my real mum!"

383\. Throwing swords to one another from forty feet away is a terrible idea. Seriously, the survey corps should be dead by now.

384\. I am not allowed to hasten the process of anyone's "unstoppable spiral downward".

385\. I am not allowed to attempt to kill any of my subordinates, even IF it's only a matter of time before they manage to do it themselves.

386\. I am not allowed to tell the mission leader my honest opinion about their brief. Even if they did ask me for my honest opinion.

387\. I am not allowed to train academy graduates and people entering military training facilities anymore, because "honest feedback" shouldn't require third party mediation afterward.

388\. I am not allowed to "redefine the mentoring relationship" with the team I don't care about or signed up for.

389\. I am not allowed to say "it was totally worth it" when I'm being disciplined.

390\. I am not allowed to use a proxy to take any of my discipline.

391\. I am not allowed to call the Commander before Erwin "dead weight that sucks up precious oxygen from people who actually need it to work the mission". Even if it is true.

392\. I am not allowed to pretend I'm anyone else without justification. Even if there were probably not going to be any real consequences…

393\. I will not ask the training camp to sponsor a break dancing crew.

394\. -Even if I can explain it as increasing one's flexibility and balance.

395\. If I see something unfamiliar and mobile, I will not poke it with a stick.

396\. -Unless I know what I'm doing.

397\. -And have the appropriate weapon handy

398\. I am no longer allowed to use big words on academy students who don't understand them in order to insult them.

399\. Coming up behind Eren while he and Jean are glowering at each other and saying "Oh, go on and kiss him already!" is not funny.

400\. -Even if Krista does say, "Yes, I thought so too."


	5. 401-500

401\. May not sleep when being lectured, briefed or debriefed.

402\. -Not even if I can awaken instantly, correctly answer the question, then fall back asleep.

403\. -Not even if I can awaken instantly, correct the instructor, briefer or debriefer, then fall back asleep.

404\. -Not even if after the third time of being accused of not paying attention I can repeat the last minute of conversation perfectly, including tone, without waking up.

405\. -ESPECIALLY not to do the previous with an air of superiority not befitting my current rank.

406\. I will not poison others so that slowly build an immunity for common poisons and toxins. No matter how much I think they need it.

407\. I will ensure that I present myself in a manner that does not garner ridicule from my enemies, unless I am trying to lower their guard at the expense of my credibility.

408\. I will not ask people what their mental illness and PTSD triggers are.

409\. -I will not say "Are you triggered, bro?" If they are in fact triggered.

410\. I will not be in a situation where surrender is my only option.

411\. I will take all people who take up arms against me seriously, no matter how ridiculous their methods are.

412\. If I even look like I might sing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" I will be knocked out.

413\. The instant I have an opportunity to kill my enemy without endangering myself or my plans, I will take advantage of it.

414\. I am not allowed to state that the building the refugees moved into was the site of mass ritual sacrifices. Especially if it could have been.

415\. -Nor am I allowed to say said building is haunted and wish them the best of luck living there.

416\. -Nor am I allowed to enter their rooms when they are away and write strange messages from "the dead" on the walls.

417\. - Nor am I allowed to write on their walls even while they are in the rooms asleep.

418\. I am no longer allowed to make and then enforce contingency plans.

419\. I am not allowed to make anyone else go in my stead, if I have been summoned specifically by someone with more influence or status.

420\. I am not allowed to rectify my errors through the only honorable path, seppuku.

421\. - I am not allowed to mime seppuku to explain what it is.

422\. I will make sure I have a full understanding of how my universe operates. For example, if a fall from any height can be rendered non-lethal by certain illogical circumstances, I will take advantage of that. I will keep the potential for inconsistencies in mind, though, and avoid the risk if I have any reason to believe my situation is an exception to my universe's illogical rules.

423\. I will have my department of research and development create less-lethal alternatives that will make it reasonably practical for soldiers to take someone alive if my plans call for it. Consequently, if I give the order to bring someone to me alive, there will be no excuse for any of my troops to willfully disobey that order.

424\. I am not allowed to kill myself on the job.

425\. My soul cannot be sold on more than one occasion.

426\. -Levi, Eren, or Erwin have no use for my soul.

427\. I am no longer allowed to go into detail about my plans for killing everyone in the area in under 2 minutes.

428\. I am not allowed to kill stupid people.

429\. I am not allowed to do my Batman impression while I'm behind someone. Ever.

430\. I am not allowed to plan out how I will burn down the Hometowns of my foes out loud.

431\. I am not allowed to submit Purchase Order requests for a secret underground lair. Levi is such a kill joy.

432\. I Should not be surprised when people appear surprised or concerned that I have access to ammunition and high explosives. Poor bastards.

433\. I am no longer allowed to make sarcastic comments in serious meetings. Everyone is such kill joys here.

434\. I am not allowed to fail, or to cause or create fail. The only atonement for fail will be cake, henceforth known as Failcake. More fail means more cake, bigger fail means bigger cake.

435\. -Only Sasha like Failcake.

436\. Yelling "Kill each other!" is not the proper way to break up a fight.

437\. There are no gods left in this world, so I should not attempt to curry their favor by sacrificing the youngest and most annoyingly fit brats possible.

438\. -Especially since the easiest way to sacrifice them is tossing said brats in the paths of Titans

439\. I should not keep a whiteboard at Headquarters with the words "Number of days Survey Corps has gone without a Incident:" and keep a zero on it everyday. (Won't stop me!)

440\. I am not allowed to test children for superpowers

441\. - Neither will I attempt to give said children superpowers

442\. No task is to be performed "for the lolz."

443\. Do not blaspheme the Walls in front of the Children.

444\. -Do not blaspheme the Walls in front of the Church Staff.

445\. Do not blaspheme the Walls in front of anyone who was brainwashed, period.

446\. I am not allowed to spank others.

447\. -Even if Eren, Armin and a very spiked Levi liked it.

448\. I am not to dance naked in the streets.

449\. -Or on the training grounds.

450\. -Generally, dancing naked is wrong.

451\. Telling people that you are an Atheist will lead to some strange reactions, including (but not limited to): People stepping backwards as if you said you've just had leprosy; Bugged-out eyes; Long, interesting debates on the merits of theology and other religions

452\. - It will not, however, get people to stop talking to you about "all that Walls stuff"

453\. Troop conservation is essential. This isn't because of any of that nonsense about care or compassion, but because it's incredibly hard to get decent soldiers by throwing everyone against a wall. Having heavy hitters is important, especially when we hit the point where numbers just won't get the job done. I will thus steer away from any mission that has an unnecessarily high death toll. Besides, people will be more loyal if they know I won't send them to their deaths.

454\. Trying to be a Villain Sue will probably end poorly, so I won't even try.

455\. The prison area in the Survey Corps shall not be referred to as "the dungeon".

456\. -We do not have an iron maiden in the dungeon.

457\. -I can not submit a request to have an iron maiden placed in the dungeon.

458\. - No threatening misbehaving cadets with time in the non-existent iron maiden.

459\. No attempting to justify possible double entendres in Religious songs/hymns, i.e. "The Walls Loves the Little Children".

460\. -Also I can not make parodies of the songs and sing them.

461\. I am not allowed to respond with a death glare when told to do something

462\. Do not name the mop.

463\. -Do not ride the mop like a horsey

464\. - The mop does not have feelings either

465\. -Mop does not love you back

466\. - I will not tell Levi this no matter how much I want to.

467\. "It's a device to make you ask stupid questions. I see it works well." Is never an appropriate answer when someone asks me what I'm doing.

468\. I am not allowed to declare martial law

469\. Not allowed to refer to humanity as "fat, stupid sheep."

470\. What the fuck?" is never an appropriate answer to any question.

471\. Not allowed to refer to fellow cadets or people weaker than me as my minions

472\. -Or my bitches.

473\. "Cleaning is Justice!" Is not Levi's catchphrase.

474\. Armin shall not be called a precious cinnamon roll just because he is "too beautiful, pure and good for this cruel world."

475\. I will do my best to make the locals root for me to win. Especially if my opponent is a Marty Stu.

476\. I will occasionally donate some of my loot to charitable causes, so that the good guys (if I am ever at their mercy) will have qualms about killing me.

477\. If I spot what seems to be a highly valuable object with no immediately visible hexes, guards, or something that would otherwise shorten my lifespan, I will promptly retrieve said highly valuable object.

478\. I will take no oath of unquestioning obedience, nor any oath of obedience to persons of unproved character.

479\. All shady biological experiments will be reported as being ethical and voluntary, even if it isn't.

480\. The assistance of politicians will be obtained by appealing to their self-interest. Any politician who appears to be cooperating with me out of the kindness of his heart is actually plotting to betray me at some point.

481\. If an enemy stops to gloat, I will take that as the opportunity it is and kill him/her/it.

482\. If I absolutely, positively, pathologically must taunt my opponent with my plan, I will first have a qualified Doctor cut his spinal cord. You don't see too many quadriplegic enemies.

483\. -Alternatively, I will do the spinal cutting myself. If I screw up, literally what is the worst that could happen?

484\. -I will only harvest their organs when I am around accepting company, experts, have the skills to transfer them to another body with limited chance of rejection. I will not say this around superiors, Grisha, or anyone who has yet to toss away their humanity for the greater good.

485\. I will do the unexpected.

486\. -If the unexpected doesn't work, I'll attempt the impossible

487\. I will not pay attention to odds.

488\. I will have any scientists I can find secretly work on projects that would benefit the people (curing illnesses, improving energy longevity, breeding plants to grow in a very short time and continue to produce all year round). Who would want to kill the person who gave you the crop that put an end to world hunger?

489\. -I will only start this plan after 95% of people suppressing knowledge and curiosity in the masses as been rubbed out. Even if that means entire noble families, the church of the walls staff, and so on are destroyed. Ideally, at the same time as when the real royal family is all but wiped out.

490\. -I will then set up figureheads and paper tigers of surviving factions that are susceptible to my thoughts on technological advances and other factors as the heads of the families.

491\. -I will make sure no evidence can ever be linked back to me and mine.

492\. When in doubt, kill it

493\. "Slash happens" is not the motto of the Survey Corps and I will stop telling people it is.

494\. If it's really important that my allies accomplish something, I'll pretend it's impossible, then act surprised when they do it.

495\. I Repeat: Levi and Eren are not secret lovers. Levi and Eren are not secret lovers.

496\. I will force the opponent to begin a long monologue about his place in life, his feelings, dreams, hopes, etc. When he is distracted, that is when I will attack.

497\. Burn, shoot, or kick ANYTHING strange: "it" is NEVER cute, intelligent, friendly, or interesting if it has ever been dead. In fact, it should still be that way.

498\. Aim for the neck!

499\. Never say, "It's over", "It's dead", or "I killed it".

500\. I am no longer allowed to channel the following unusual power sources for my mockery of a spirit bomb: Perverted thoughts; universal love as fuel (limited supply); Jashin sacrifices; happy thoughts; emoness; angst ridden teenagers.


End file.
